THE ART OF TALKING TO OURSELVES

by Carol Tebo

         We all know how the light-hearted banter goes--"Uh oh, you're talking to yourself again!"  And we come back with some self-deprecating reply such as "I must be getting old" or "I must be losing my mind."  However, as many truth seekers have learned, talking to ourselves is actually an act of finding our mind--the God-mind which will guide and direct us to our highest good, if we can only stay focused and tuned to it.

The mind is a mystifying and powerful instrument that can work for or against us; even play tricks on us.  Its tools are thoughts, which are capable of creating unimagined peace and joy, or untold misery and anguish.

Thinking  has the potential to make us physically sick .  I remember a bus ride to church camp when I was in junior high school.  I had traveled long distances by car numerous times with my family, often reading for hours, and had never experienced car sickness.  In fact, I don't think I had even heard of it.  On that several-hour trip to camp, the conversation between the kids around me turned to vivid accounts of motion sickness.  Gradually, my stomach began to feel queasy, and by the time we arrived I was nauseated and on the verge of vomiting!

In my early adult life, I suffered a period of hypochondria similar to what is known as medical students' syndrome.  Whenever I read or heard a detailed accounting of an illness or its symptoms, I began experiencing them.  It took a great deal of talking to myself to be convinced they did not exist.

I can also think of a time or two when I actually was physically sick and talked myself out of it because there was something I had to do, or wanted to do.  And we can all probably come up with examples of talking ourselves into doing something we really didn't want to do.  This ability to manipulate our minds and bodies with our thoughts is a mechanism we employ quite naturally and, often, quite unconsciously.

It is when we become cognizant of what we are doing, and of the enormous power that ability has to shape our daily lives, that we begin to see the need to look more closely at how we are using this sculpting tool.  And, when we make the even more significant connection with how this device relates to our spiritual growth and experience, it further behooves us to take a serious, systematized approach to training our thoughts.

As exercise guru and pop philosopher Jack LaLanne says at the end of my daily exercise video, "Discipline your thoughts, because thoughts are things like anything else.  They manifest themselves in what you are."  This is what we call conscious living.  Making conscious choices about what we will think, and what we will and will not let into our minds, is critical to our inner peace and happiness.

Meditation is one of the most direct and effective ways to accomplish this task.  Does this mean, therefore, that we must be in a state of meditation all day?  Well, no and yes.  No, if we mean sitting cross-legged humming a mantra.  Yes, if we mean being so absorbed in each present moment of living that there is no room in our minds for idle mental chatter and distracting thoughts.

All of us have experienced this active meditative state when we have been immersed in something we enjoy to the point of being unaware of thoughts or the passage of time.  We even have a couple sayings that express how it feels--"I don't know where my mind (Ego-mind) was," or "Time flies when you're having fun (happy)."  Our objective should be to live every moment with that same quiet focus and abandon.

By his example and through his teachings, Jesus gave us the quintessential guidelines for achieving this goal.  Everything he said came from a mind that was completely melded with God-mind.  It is significant that included in the great commandment Jesus draws from His own tradition is "You shall love the Lord your God with . . . all your mind" (Mt. 22:37).

It is by no means an easy job keeping our minds focused on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable (Phil 4:8).  Throughout the day, events in our outer world are continually bombarding our senses, impinging on our serenity, tempting us to react in unloving ways, enticing us to think negatively, subtly planting unwanted fears and doubts, and in general, challenging our best intentions to maintain our equilibrium and stay centered on our chosen path.

Hugh Prather, in his book How to Live in the World . . . and Still Be Happy, suggests that an important first step toward our goal is watching our thoughts.  "If you are ever to be free you must learn to track your mind as an unknown animal.  You must come to know its habitats, its stopping points, where it always wanders into trouble, and what the places of rest and nourishment are that it invariably skirts.  Your mind is doing no less than determining the way you experience life, yet you cannot change even one detail of this unless you know what that detail is."

After an initial period of simply observing, he suggests monitoring our thoughts and listing any which fall into the following categories:  1) Judgment/Attack;  2) Worry;  3) Fear;  4) Past;  5) Future.  The object of the exercise is to make us more aware of the ways in which our thoughts sidetrack us from living fully in the present moment, which is the point at which we experience God-mind.

I found it very enlightening to tune into my thoughts, and I began to recognize some of the patterns of thinking that were working against my peace of mind.  As my ability to catch my counter-productive thoughts in the act of rearing their thorny heads increased, I found myself talking back to them.  It seemed to help me put the brakes on, shift gears, and reverse direction.

I am reminded of when I worked in a school district personnel office with four other women.  In addition to people entering and exiting the office all day to fill out applications, process paper work, look up files, check on benefits, etc., one or more of our phones was constantly ringing.  At the same time, we were each responsible for very detailed tasks that required concentration and accuracy.  Whenever one of us would attempt to return to our work after an interruption, we would take a deep breath and say, "Okay."  Sometimes several of us would say it at once, which always caused us to laugh.  But the truth is, it was a very practical and effective technique we were utilizing--making a brief stop, centering ourselves, and shifting our focus back to our task.

Checking our thoughts is an essential skill for shaping both our inner and outer experience.  It should not, however, be a heavy-handed, punitive exercise.  As Prather points out, criticism and judgment aimed at our thoughts feed the feeling of alienation rather than restoring wholeness.  In fact, I have discovered it can be quite fun, almost a game.  My husband and I have adopted some of the phrases used by Al Franken in his "Daily Affirmation" sketches on Saturday Night Live.  When his character, therapist Stuart Smalley, would catch himself in a downward spiral of thought, he would say, "But that's just stinkin' thinkin".  I have to stop beating myself up," or "Alright, that was a mistake.  But that's okay because I'm a human being, and human beings make mistakes."  Mimicking his remarks always makes us chuckle, but at the same time sends an important signal to our psyches--a gentle reminder that whatever we were thinking was not in our best interest.

Following is a sampling of the conversations I have with myself.  Notice that I have hyphenated the word re-mind.  It struck me that this commonly used word connotes the awesome power we have to literally change our mind, to choose God..

When I wake in the morning with my mind bristling with a list of tasks, I take a deep breath and re-mind myself that there is all the time in the world to do whatever I am supposed to do that day, but I must not squander any of it by jumping ahead.  Then, I take a quiet moment to surrender my agenda to God and ask Spirit to lead me through the day.  The result is that I seem to float effortlessly through the day, often accomplishing even more than I had envisioned.

When I face one of those routine chores that is not my favorite, such as grocery shopping, and a feeling of dread begins creeping over me, I re-mind myself that each task I do can be a divine task if I do it in love.  A dreaded chore becomes a divine appointment--and the waters seem to part in the grocery store.

When I look out the window and see that it is going to be a dark, dreary day and my shoulders begin drooping from the anticipation of gloom, I re-mind myself that my happiness is not dependent on the weather because I carry my sunshine within me.  Suddenly the day takes on bright possibilities.  I can enjoy curling up with a book, organizing  my photographs, listening to uplifting music, or writing letters.

When an unexpected event puts a kink in my plans--such as my printer cartridge running out of toner--and I begin to lament that the day is shot, I re-mind myself that it is shot only if I think it is.  Then I relax, regroup, and enjoy the beautiful countryside drive into town, treat myself to lunch, and catch up on some errands.

When I feel myself reacting with sadness, anger or frustration over a news report, I re-mind myself that I am not in control of the world, God is.  I only have control over my own actions and reactions.  I let go and turn my attention, instead, to what I can do that day, or the next, to make my corner of the world a little more loving.

When I begin to question why anyone would want to read what I have to say, since I don't have a Ph.d.. and am not a minister or scholar, I re-mind myself that "that's just stinkin' thinkin'."  I am a unique child of God with a gift to share the truth God reveals to me in my own distinctive way.  Then I quiet my thoughts and ask God to use me as his instrument.

When my husband blocks my way for a hug, or my cat interrupts my writing by walking across my papers and purring, I re-mind myself that nothing in life is more important than sharing a little love!!

These daily re-minders help keep me sane, in my right mind.  So, when someone re-minds me that I'm talking to myself, I just smile and say, "Yeah, I do it a lot."

Published in Unity Magazine, July 1999.